listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize