Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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