I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Randomize
