I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
