Soap is not a condiment
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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