you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
