we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It's blow job season.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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