My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
