quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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