hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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