I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
