I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize