He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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