she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
