that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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