He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
