we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
