I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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