It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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