I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
