i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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