I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
