i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
