Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
