Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
