I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
