I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
