Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
