We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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