My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
