she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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