I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
