the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
