Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
