I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
