I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
