First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
