The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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