Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
