you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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