You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
