I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
