shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
