Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
