your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
