in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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