Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
