i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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