so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
