In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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