I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
