he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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