Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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