Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
