and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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