Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
