She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
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She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
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my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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