words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
