I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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