I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
