apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just found a bag of teeth...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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