I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
