i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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