is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
