i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
