Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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